Quarantine Love
In the giant wave of COVID19 news, podcasts, Instagram posts, stories, live TV feeds, Facebook status updates, and more, I feel compelled to put some of my own swirling thoughts down; this may resemble a blog, this may resemble a list, we shall see. I want to practice writing from the heart—not for a specific audience, but rather for me. For me and for my process. For us. For you reading this, because you are somewhere in a place with internet access dealing with the exact same thing.
It’s happening like a whiplash around the world. What started as a somewhat fictional threat became a very real issue in a matter of weeks, and my partner and I were forced to reevaluate what it means to be safe, smart and healthy. With gratitude, we are now spending the next few weeks (indeterminable amount of time!?) at my brother’s house in Wisconsin.
See, we had plotted for the past few months to drive a route from the tip of Baja in Mexico all the way up to Anchorage, Alaska, over the course of the spring/summer of 2020. We had a caravan of homies ready to embark on the journey, we had stops along the way at festivals, gatherings and studios, and we were working to cultivate a calendar that provided meaningful travel. Road tripping with a purpose means we wanted to donate our time to communities, volunteer, and find real human connection along our massive west coast pilgrimage.
The first cases of the virus spreading to our country seemed distant and unimportant. In February, we started our prep for the voyage south, and had no misgivings about crossing the boarder. Well, I didn’t. I wanted to get down there as soon as possible and play in the sand and eat tropical tacos and speak Spanish and make fun videos to share with others. Kyle had a very strong spidey sense that something was up, however, and I spent a few days acting like a brat and telling him to get his shit together. It wasn’t until barely three nights before we were supposed to actually be in Mexico that I received some static from my family about traveling to another country during these sensitive times.
And, you know what?? I didn’t resist. I didn’t fall into the trap of princess syndrome where I want to flee and revolt and push against people telling me to do things that they think are good for me.
It was quite a lovely experience to say, “Okay, just for saftey’s sake, let’s not go, and let’s be okay with that decision.” I’ve heard from other friends who had to cancel plans and retreats that their own gut feeling was a sigh of relief. Like, yes, of course, it is hard and tragic to uproot all of our plans, but how sweet is it to surrender into this energy of EVERYTHING IS UNCERTAIN RIGHT NOW instead of fighting this current of intense change and unknown?
I’ve been following some of my favorite yoga teachers closely to see how they are reacting and what they are recommending, and it is beautiful to be in alignment with those I respect. No matter what your own theories, policies, or opinions are about this pandemic, we can all agree that mother earth is asking for a very pregnant pause so we can give birth to a new way of living, commuting, producing, consuming, teaching, learning, communicating and moving.
It is time to come inside.
It is time to explore our internal awarenesses.
It is time to release selfish mindsets and instead move into a place of compassion.
My egoic judgements get me nowhere right now! THIS is a cause for celebration!
And I am so privileged —SO lucky—to be in a home right now that has space for me, Kyle and Winnie. I have enough food and enough love. I have enough and I am letting this be enough. I am enough.
What I do every day is going to change dramatically depending on how I feel, and I am always up for some recommendations, so please please please comment below if you’ve had some fun activities or reads these past few days!
Me? Well, my plan is to do what I love and what I can.
I’ll make new playlists for movement and meditation. I’ll read all y’alls posts and watch your stories. I’ll call more people and leave voice mails for friends around the world. I’ll enjoy puppy sitting and watching this little mini Winnie grow up. I’ll make a metric shitton of tea and learn more ways to hydrate and be playful without a single drop of alcohol. I’ll continuously fight the craving for nicotine when I am bored by doing more breathing exercises. I’ll explore the interwebs for intellectual articles and stand up comedians and tantric teachings and everything in between. I’ll be tuning into classes and kriyas to keep my body, spirit and mind sane. I’ll try more heart openers and commit to a sweat or a balancing pose that I wouldn’t normally force myself to do. I’m going to continue cooking up delicious vegan treats and feasts. I’m going to look at the clock and take time in between meals so that I’m not constantly snacking (this is a hard one). I’ll make malas. I’ll write little notes or longer pages, and become friendly with my computer screen again. I will not get sucked into social media scrolling traps, but I will use these platforms for staying social in a time of social distancing.
I’ll do what I love and do what I can. If I can help you in some way, with a chat or a listening ear, with a meditation recommendation or with a funny meme, with simply anything, I do hope you’ll let me know.
For those of you who have endured and witnessed my crazy, you’ll know I have a tendency for ferocity. I like to make actions, not sit quietly and observe. So this is my challenge to myself: to witness more and be with my lovely, authentic, beautiful self. The parts of me that are cranky or worried or angry or confused are not permanent. This virus isn’t permanent. The stock market, the collapsing economy, the impending deaths and illnesses are not permanent. The silly joy of watching the puppy fall on her face isn’t permanent. The bright red cardinals singing in the tree branches will fly away. The snow storm will move. The flowers will start to push up from the dirt and they will change the landscape of this midwestern wintery world. My day dreams will come and go, as they are as impermanent as ever.
This human experience will not be the same. It wasn’t meant to be stagnant. We were biochemically and spiritually engineered for reprograming and upgrading and continuous evolution.
The “who I am” today will dissolve and morph into a “who I am” tomorrow, and becoming aware of the person who is aware is my duty.
The temptations and disgusts will fade and disappear and reappear and shape shift and re-identify themselves with new masks.
For now, my mask is one of peace. My mask is one of santosha-contentment-for I know not what the fuck tomorrow brings, nor do I operate under a false sense of security that I am in control or I have the answers.
What I do know is that I am provided for by the higher power. The universe provides because that is its ultimate purpose.
“I am the sky, and everything else is just the weather.” -Pema Chodron
I love you.
Sal
